Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
