i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize