I am midnight drunk by noon
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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