Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
