Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
