just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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