I'm eating all of the evidence.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
