did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
