I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
