i don't like sucking hair
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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