come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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