the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
