Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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