Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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