we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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