one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
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