I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
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After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
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My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.