Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER