Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.