I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?