Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
