I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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