Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
