Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
