I'm really into asian looking animals
if only i could text you this smell
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I need water and some morals
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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