i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
