i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
