I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
