Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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