Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
