Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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