what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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