He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
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she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
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He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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