I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
