Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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