i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
She just used a chaser for red wine.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
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i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
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But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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