my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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