I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
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Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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