she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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