your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
