just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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