Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
...so i touched it.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
