M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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