Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
