i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
