I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
