we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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