The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
