He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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