we have pet lesbian snakes
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize