Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
