i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
