My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found the puke drawer
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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