He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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