Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
