so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
