I don't usually arrange sex via text message
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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