Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Randomize
