your thong is hanging out like whoa
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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