I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
