the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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