I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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