I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
