I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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