just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER