I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
So squirting runs in the family.
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i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
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Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position